Walmart Debuts Membership Program To Compete With Amazon Prime

Single-Dose Vaccine To Begin Distribution

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A CDC advisory panel voted unanimously to recommend Johnson & Johnson’s Covid-19 vaccine, opening the way to start distribution of the nation’s first vaccine to only...
Cuomo Praised By Media For Decisive, Straight-Talking Approach To Harassing Aides

Cuomo Praised By Media For Decisive, Straight-Talking Approach To Harassing Aides

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ALBANY, NY—Acknowledging the New York governor’s impressive leadership skills, members of the nation’s media praised Andrew Cuomo Monday for his decisive, straight-talking approach to harassing his...
No-Nonsense Negotiator Strong-Arms Landlord Into Fixing Toilet For Rent Increase

No-Nonsense Negotiator Strong-Arms Landlord Into Fixing Toilet For Rent Increase

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LOS ANGELES—Demonstrating her prowess as a no-nonsense negotiator, local woman Jocelyn Apter reportedly succeeded in strong-arming her landlord Monday into fixing her toilet in exchange for...
Holy Exhausting Situation

Holy Exhausting Situation

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Half-Mast Flag Must Be Caught On Something

Half-Mast Flag Must Be Caught On Something

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Nation’s Monster Truck Rally Organizers Vow To Crush 100% Electric Cars By 2030

Nation’s Monster Truck Rally Organizers Vow To Crush 100% Electric Cars By 2030

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HOUSTON—Claiming the move was the only way to guarantee a fully renewable future of adrenaline-charged metal smashing, the nation’s monster truck rally organizers issued a statement...
Americans Observe Labor Day

Italy Landslide Drags Hundreds Of Coffins Into Sea

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A landslide in Northern Italy sent over 200 coffins that were buried in a cliffside cemetery plummeting into the Ligurian sea, with recovery efforts expected to...
THEY'RE HERE

THEY’RE HERE

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 The Corona Jab Serum & It's Effects On Human DNA & Brain Hacking! Are You Ready To Blow Your Mind? Professor Charles Morgan gives a lecture...
Democrat Reassures Friend This One Of The Good Syrian Airstrikes

Democrat Reassures Friend This One Of The Good Syrian Airstrikes

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CHICAGO—Following a report Friday that Joe Biden’s first military action as president had killed at least 22 people at sites used by Iranian-backed fighters, local...
Parliamentarian Cuts Minimum Wage From Stimulus Due To Obscure Rule Requiring Poor Citizens To Needlessly Suffer

Parliamentarian Cuts Minimum Wage From Stimulus Due To Obscure Rule Requiring Poor Citizens To...

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WASHINGTON—Citing the long-standing practice of maintaining boundaries between the classes, Senate Parliamentarian Elizabeth MacDonough asked Democrats to cut a minimum wage increase from their stimulus package...

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