Friend In Long-Term Relationship Announces She Wouldn’t Even Be Able To Figure Out Extremely Simple Premise Of Dating App If She Tried

Friend In Long-Term Relationship Announces She Wouldn’t Even Be Able To Figure Out Extremely...

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OKEMOS, MI—Claiming she would be absolutely clueless if she were single and had to navigate such a complicated system, local woman Ashley Rice, a friend...
Chanel #5 Turns 100

Chanel #5 Turns 100

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Esports-Themed Restaurant Owner To Spend Whole Life Thinking It Went Under Because Of Covid

Esports-Themed Restaurant Owner To Spend Whole Life Thinking It Went Under Because Of Covid

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INDIANAPOLIS—Believing that the timing of his venture was the sole source of its failure, local esports-themed restaurant owner Dennis McLeish confirmed Thursday that he would...
Miami Private School Bars Vaccinated Teachers

Tiffany Debuts Engagement Rings For Men

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Tiffany & Co. debuted its first-ever men’s engagement ring, as it attempts to tap into a new market for its high-end jewelry amid a rise in...
Minimalist Learning To Appreciate Stripped-Down Simple Pleasures Of Unloaded Tater Tots

Minimalist Learning To Appreciate Stripped-Down Simple Pleasures Of Unloaded Tater Tots

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BATTLE CREEK, MI—In a major breakthrough after years spent chasing the next big flavor, local minimalist Tyler Benson told sources Wednesday he had recently discovered how...
FDA To Ban Menthol Cigarettes

NYC Replacing Snow Days With Remote Learning

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New York City education officials have announced that the nation’s largest school district will not be having any snow days in the next school year, and...
Experts Say Earning Trust Of Vaccine Skeptics Will Be Key To Jabbing Them When They’re Not Looking

Experts Say Earning Trust Of Vaccine Skeptics Will Be Key To Jabbing Them When...

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NEW YORK—Explaining that building public confidence had never been more crucial, experts from Columbia University told reporters Wednesday that earning the trust of vaccine skeptics would...
Reporter Who Found 3 Angry Tweets About Issue Guesses That’s An Article Right There

Reporter Who Found 3 Angry Tweets About Issue Guesses That’s An Article Right There

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NEW YORK—Shrugging as he started writing the story’s lede, New York Times employee Lance Reede, a reporter who found three angry tweets about a particular issue,...
‘It’s Him Or Me,’ Says Unhinged Aaron Rodgers Demanding Packers Fire Team Custodian

‘It’s Him Or Me,’ Says Unhinged Aaron Rodgers Demanding Packers Fire Team Custodian

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GREEN BAY, WI—Threatening to test the trade market if the front office didn’t intervene, a visibly unhinged Aaron Rodgers told Packers brass Wednesday that it was...

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