It is ingrained in our culture, from movies and beyond, that there is a “right” way to be single. Pop culture has its two cents, but in the real world living in such a manner does not end with a 00’s pop hit with closing credits.
How then can one be single but live it well? How can one live in such a way where life is an adventure, life is full and exciting even if you are single
How can living a single life be blessed whether that status changes or not?
Here are 6 biblical things to focus on so that you can love your single life.
1. Don’t Label Your Identity by Relationship Status
Identity in its core is what makes a person themselves, by personality, by traits, and by how they see themselves.
When it comes to relationship status, it is important not to let that become another part of one’s identity. John Piper wisely shared in his book, This Momentary Marriage how who you are single is who you will be married. This is not neglecting the truths that marriage changes much in one’s life, but it also remembers that in the core of who you are you will remain the same.
You are not suddenly rid of all of your flaws when married. This is to say, we must not let being married or being single become a core characteristic of who we are. That would place too much weight upon the status, and it would take away from allowing us to step into the greater focuses of our lives.
So many factors we would place within our identities can change in a day, and being single or married is one of them. Your worth is not dependent upon having a ring on your finger, so do not define yourself by such a factor.
Milestones and life changes will occur at different times in your own life and the lives of those around you. The temptation to compare your life to others will arise, but it is important not to let that take root into becoming bitter.
We are all on a journey set to the rhythm God has placed for our lives. For some relationships, children, or other life events may come sooner rather than later.
That does not mean you are behind in life, nor does it mean you are lacking. God has a specific call for your life and when you are partnered with Him you find that in the times we would often label waiting periods, He is growing and fostering beautiful things.
This gives us then the opportunity to celebrate with authentic hearts those around us when these milestones occur like we are encouraged to do in Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice.”
When in our own lives big events occur they too can celebrate with us. Life isn’t just about reaching mile markers, it’s about the miles it takes to get there as well.
If we were all meant to live the same exact life, there would not be anything unique about our stories. How beautiful is it that the Lord has you where you are for a purpose and a reason and those purposes for a time such as this?
Trust Him in the journey, trust Him in the rocky and climbing path that along the scenic route of life there is so much to behold and stand in wonder about.
Daydreaming is such a gift from the Father to us. The ability to gaze upon what life could be, what could occur, and what could happen is a treasure to escape into.
Yes, it is not a place to solely dwell forever, but God did grant us the skill for a reason. So consider inviting God into those daydreams.
Not just dreams of marriage, relationships, or families, but bigger than the scope of what our imaginations can muster up. Ephesians 3:20 embraces, “Now unto Him Who is able to do far more abundantly than all we can ask of imagine.”
That is not reserved solely to just being single, not just to careers, and not just to what we can place on vision boards for our lives. When we daydream with God our dreams become at times scary, because we’re taking God and the possibilities of life way out of the box. But what an exhilarating place that can become.
Especially if you are single, it becomes an opportunity where you do not have other factors to consider and your yes is all that is really needed with God. The yes to trust Him with your heart, the yes to trust Him with provisions for life, and the yes to believe He can do as He promised in Ephesians 3:20.
Beyond all you could imagine is not a cookie-cutter same dream for every person, it is what God deems in His Will for your life, and therefore it is personal, it is unique, and it is just for you.
Dare to dream with God and even more, dare to trust where He is leading you.
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4. Set Goals
The time of being single is also a fantastic time to set goals and go after life. Whether that is in career, art, or other aspiration it is an opportunity to run after and achieve aims.
For some this will be in career, or perhaps education to prepare for a career. For others, it will be personal goals in ways of cultivating something beyond themselves.
Whatever it is, not just viewing your life to start when you get into a relationship is key. Contrary to popular belief life does not start with the saying, “I do” at an altar, but life really start when you allow it to.
Realizing this will break you from the chains that your worth is dependent upon another person, for the value of your life and the fulfillment of your life is so much more. Go after goals, even if you fail you learn something along the way.
Know that no hope is in vain, there is something to be learned in all of life.
5. Cultivate the Life You Have
Intentional and authentic living is a rarity in culture today. Movies rarely encourage focusing on what’s in front of you and making your actions sincere.
Instead of dwelling on what you don’t have, seek to cultivate what you do have.
Consider the verse in Matthew 25, “For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have abundance.” Tend the life you have and what blessings have been given, and in the course of it simply pour out love upon it.
Know that God sees how you care for what you foster in your hands, and believe that matters. Seek to be present with those around you, really making an effort to bless them.
Placing aside the pitfalls of comparison and envy will allow you to enrich the relationships you have and the life around you. Tend the garden that is your life and know the harvest of fruit will be rich, not matter what that looks like in season and time.
6. Work on Your Relationship with God
Perhaps the greatest opportunity there is in being single is the time and allowance to work on your relationship with God.
When we grow closer with God, we in the course come to know His heart more and His heart for us. This helps the journey of realizing and stepping into who you really are all the more accessible and vibrant.
What a gift it is to know the Lord personally, and to know who you were made to be. It is quite possible to know Him and who you are while you are in a relationship, but it is as Paul reminded in 1 Corinthians 7 that those who are no married can devote their full focus on the Lord, but those who are married will need to give attention to their relationships as well.
Marriage is in the heart of the Lord, as shown in the Garden of Eden, but recall that Adam had a relationship with God before Eve, and with Eve around he still retained relationship with God.
Spend the time single, whether that is for a season or longer, coming to know the Creator better and in time more of what His will for your life is.
There is no perfect formula on how to be single well, but there are facets we can bring forward that refocus our perspectives on what is and what can be, rather than what is lacking.
We can choose to cultivate a life, develop goals, and grow relationships with God and others during this time unlike we could in relationship. Being single is not as it is in the movies, but the beauty of life is it is not like the movies.
It is not predictable, it is not limited, and it is not only about the main character. Life can be so much more than that, and we have the power to let it be so.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Jantine Doornbos
Cally Logan is an author and US History teacher from Richmond, Virginia. In her free time, she enjoys leading a high school girls’ small group, cooking, and spending time in tree houses. Her latest books, Dear Young Sparrow and Unveiled are available on Amazon and at Barnes and Noble. Check her out on Instagram and Twitter, @CallyLogan.