CARRIZO SPRINGS, TX—In an effort to provide vulnerable youths with a structured, supervised environment, President Joe Biden unveiled a hip teen migrant detainment center Tuesday where kids could hang out and never leave. “We think migrant teenagers are going to love getting a chance to kick back and chillax in this fenced-off compound from which they cannot escape,” said Biden, touting the facility’s air hockey table, pinball machine, and miles of unscalable barbed wire that would allow teenagers to comingle with other undocumented aliens to their hearts’ content. “We’ve got snacks and sodas, cool tunes on the radio 24/7, really everything a kid who’s been torn apart from his family could want! And, they’ll have plenty of time to try and beat their high score on the Ms. Pacman or Tetris arcade cabinets while they’re waiting to be deported to their home country. Rock on, kiddos!” At press time, Biden supporters across the country were organizing a fundraising campaign to help provide the center with a new trophy case.