Exhausted Mike D’Antoni Spends Entire Off Day Drawing Up Play Where Russell Westbrook Makes Shot

ORLANDO—Rubbing his eyes in frustration after pouring over hours of game footage, Houston Rockets head coach Mike D’Antoni told reporters that he spent his entire day off drawing up a play where Russell Westbrook makes a shot ahead of Tuesday’s Western Conference Semifinals matchup against the Lakers. “It took me hours just to figure out where Russ should stand on the court,” said D’Antoni, who recalled coming up with the perfect play at around two in the morning only to realize it would never work because Chris Paul isn’t on the team anymore. “Once I worked out the floor spacing, I knew we’d need Harden to attract at least three defenders to clear a path to the hoop. Should we have P.J. [Tucker] in the corner or down low to grab an offensive rebound? Fuck, none of this makes sense.” At press time, Russell Westbrook reportedly stormed out of the practice muttering “that’ll never fucking work.”

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