Georgia GOP Defends Hours-Long Voting Lines As Perfect Amount Of Time To Slow Cook Pulled Pork

ATLANTA—In response to criticism that the protracted waits at polling places were a clear example of voter suppression, Georgia Republicans argued Wednesday in defense of the state’s hours-long lines for early voting, saying it gave citizens just the right amount of time to slow cook pulled pork. “Look folks, long lines at the polls provide Georgians with an unbeatable opportunity to cook up some juicy, succulent barbecue sandwiches,” said Brad Raffensperger, Georgia’s Republican secretary of state, who told reporters that instead of complaining about systematic disenfranchisement, voters should use the occasion to sear a bone-in pork shoulder, toss it in the Crock-Pot with some onion and spices, and let it cook low and slow while they wait in line six to eight hours to cast their ballots. “Having to miss an entire shift and lose a day’s pay is well worth it when you know you’ll come home to a flavor-packed cut of meat you can easily shred and toss with a homemade barbecue sauce. We’re honestly doing you a favor by giving you a chance to make this delicious, crowd-pleasing dinner, which we recommend serving with slaw over toasted potato buns.” Raffensperger added that the multiple days it will take to count the ballots after polls close should give Georgians plenty of time to jar some homemade pickles to accompany their barbecue.

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