Highly Informed Voter Has Spent Weeks Studying Trump, Biden Yard Signs

PORTAGE, WI—Increasing his scrutiny of the presidential candidates as the election approached, local highly informed voter Mark Stippley told reporters Wednesday that he has spent weeks studying Trump and Biden yard signs. “I know how important this election is and I don’t want to go in to vote uninformed, so I’ve been carefully researching both candidates’ yard signs, including every single street near my house,” said Stippley, who added that he could discuss both candidates’ yard signs in detail, down to the color schemes and whether or not they include the words “Pence” or “Harris.” “You’ll hear the media rant on and on about how these candidates are so polarizing, but if you really go street by street, you’ll see that both signs include red, white, and blue, they both feature the number 2020, and they both mention America. But of course I know that I can’t just draw conclusions from a few yard signs, which is why I try to spend my commute every day looking at yard signs in other neighborhoods. They can help you stay informed, and they show you that the race is closer than it might appear. I mean, yesterday I saw 60% Biden signs and today I saw 40% Biden signs, so it’s going to be a close race. But I do have to stop myself from getting too caught up in it and doom-reading every single sign I see.” The highly informed voter derided any attempt to forecast the election winner after noting that no one even seemed to be talking about the candidate ADT Security despite the large number of signs in nearby yards.

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