Minimalist Learning To Appreciate Stripped-Down Simple Pleasures Of Unloaded Tater Tots


Illustration for article titled Minimalist Learning To Appreciate Stripped-Down Simple Pleasures Of Unloaded Tater Tots

BATTLE CREEK, MI—In a major breakthrough after years spent chasing the next big flavor, local minimalist Tyler Benson told sources Wednesday he had recently discovered how to appreciate the stripped-down simple pleasures of unloaded tater tots. “Once you tear away the distractions of melted cheese, jalapeños, and bacon, you begin to understand the genuine, unadorned essence of the tot,” said the 34-year-old, explaining that while he had long depended upon artificial embellishments such as a slathering of sour cream or Sriracha to draw pleasing flavors from his tater tots, he was now able to truly perceive the beauty that lay at the core of the appetizer. “The tot must be broken down to its most basic form—the pure and unencumbered crispy fried potato—so that it may be contemplated in its full grandeur. No guacamole, not even a sprinkling of chives, should mediate the experience of the snacking public.” At press time, Benson had reportedly begun to distance himself from strict minimalist orthodoxy, acknowledging that tater tots had no taste at all if they weren’t loaded with a bunch of fucking salt.



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