Nation Infuriated Sunday Comic Strips Still Wildly Unsynchronized With Weekday Storylines

WASHINGTON—Bristling with anger as they paged through the news over breakfast, the nation was reportedly furious this weekend that the narratives of the comic strips in their Sunday papers remained wildly unsynchronized with the plots of their Monday through Saturday counterparts. “Goddamnit, just yesterday I was reading contently about how Funky Winkerbean had placed third in a charity fun-run, and now they’ve dropped that thread entirely for some flashy, full-color story that tells me absolutely nothing about what happens next,” said longtime Indianapolis Star subscriber Dale Terry, 68, echoing the sentiments of millions of Americans as he wondered aloud when comic-strip creators would finally be held to account for the completely arbitrary and discontinuous sequencing they inflicted on readers each Sunday. “It’s like the past six days never even happened. And these cartoonists have been doing the same thing—week in and week out—for years. Some of us just want to experience Alley Oop and Gasoline Alley in a properly sequenced chronology, for Christ’s sake! I may just call up the comic-strip syndicates and demand somebody do something about it.” At press time, reports confirmed Terry had forgotten to phone in his demands because he was too busy chuckling at the “Dog Gone Funny” panel in Sunday’s Marmaduke.

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