Poll Finds Being Stuck In Infinite Time Loop Biggest Issue For Obama-Trump-Obama-Trump Voters


Illustration for article titled Poll Finds Being Stuck In Infinite Time Loop Biggest Issue For Obama-Trump-Obama-Trump Voters

WASHINGTON—Revealing a persistent concern within the pivotal voting bloc, a new poll from the Pew Research Center found Tuesday that being stuck in an infinite time loop was the biggest issue for Obama-Trump-Obama-Trump voters. “Among the thousands of individuals who voted Democrat in 2012, Republican in 2016, Democrat in 2012, and Republican in 2016, the top priority remains breaking the endless cycle of time travel and continuing with their lives,” said lead researcher Dr. Jeffrey Underwood, adding that while other issues such as climate change and the economy registered as important, 73% of such voters ranked the swirling vortex of chronoenergy repeatedly dragging them back to 2012, as well as a desire to age and live time in a linear manner, as the most important problem they faced on a daily basis. “For years, party leaders have been confounded by this demographic’s ability to cast a vote for Trump, then wake up four years in the past, and cast a vote for Obama. Should candidates wish to flip some of these voters to either Obama-Clinton-Obama-Clinton, or Romney-Trump-Romney-Trump, they’ll have their work cut out for them.” At press time, Underwood added that these voters were notoriously hard to court because casting their vote for a different candidate could create a time paradox that irrevocably changed the world, thereby erasing them forever from the spacetime continuum.



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