Study Finds Giving CBD To Pet Fails To Address Root Issue Of Letting Crazed Monster Live In Your Home

ATHENS, OH—Puncturing the image of CBD as something of a miracle cure for animal owners, researchers at Ohio University published a study Friday suggesting that giving cannabidiol to pets fails to address the root issue of letting a crazed monster live inside your home. “While our studies show that cats and dogs exhibit some calming reactions from ingesting the cannabis derivative, we have no evidence that it has any bearing on the underlying cause of allowing a psychotic fanged beast to rampage through your place of residence,” said lead researcher Heidi Barba, noting that clinical trials suggested only a slight difference between the cannabinoid and a placebo at mitigating the effects of residing with an unpredictable, depraved hellion. “Despite its prevalence in recent months, CBD has a similar rate of efficacy to home remedies such as massage or music therapy at reversing millions of years of evolution that led to a savage creature fundamentally at odds with domestic existence.” Barba added that her team’s research indicated that the best treatment for pets’ behavioral issues remained having owners completely shun society and going off to live in a remote cave.

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