Anticipation has been off the charts for the latest iteration of the PlayStation, and now that the system has finally hit shelves, it’s clear that Sony has delivered in a major way. Soaring ahead of its competition, the PS5 is a game-changing next-generation console that Santa just can’t afford right now, okay, Sport?
Sadly, things are a little tight money-wise in Santa’s Workshop at the moment, Champ, if that makes sense.
Building on the success of the PS4, the gigantic new console pushes gaming to a whole new level, utilizing an AMD-powered GPU that can process 10.28 teraflops for the most immersive user experience to date. Santa would simply love to get one for you, Slugger, if the economy wasn’t so bad right now that it’s even affecting the North Pole.
Perhaps most impressive of all the PS5’s features is its DualSense controller, whose minimalist aesthetic belies a sophisticated interface with greatly improved haptic feedback that allows you to feel as though you’re really there with every raindrop, or at least, you would feel that way if the bank could have just cut Santa some slack with interest payments on his magical sled.
Preloaded with the enjoyable, if not revolutionary, platformer Astro’s Playroom, which serves mostly as a demo reel of the console’s newest technologies, there are actually two editions of the system available: one including a 4K Blu-ray drive with a price tag of $499, and the slimmer Digital Edition, which at $100 less is still too big an expense for Santa what with all the payments for someone to babysit all of his reindeer and little elves.
Of course, the PS5 is not completely perfect. There are some noticeable flubs here and there, including an overreliance on outmoded options menus and a counterintuitive home button configuration, so no need to cry, Buddy, huh? It’s not because of anything you did. You’ve been so good this year! Santa still loves you very, very much, and I promise there’s so much other fun other stuff you’re going to get this year that you won’t even miss the PlayStation, honest!
Remember how much you like Air Bud? Well, let’s just say ol’ Saint Nick got his hands on the DVDs for a few sequels this holiday season.
Thanks to its impressive engineering, backwards compatibility, and exciting pipeline of new titles showing off exactly what the next-gen is all about, we’re sure the PS5 is going to be around for quite a while. So dry your eyes, Chief, and think about how much more you’ll appreciate the system when you get it for your birthday next year or maybe next Christmas depending on how a couple of Santa’s job interviews pan out.