This Family That Escaped Their Burning House Just Completely Abandoned Their PS5

Illustration for article titled Heartless: This Family That Escaped Their Burning House Just Completely Abandoned Their PS5

Gamers, usually it’s our pleasure to bring you exciting updates on the latest advances in video games, but sometimes we have no choice but to share something truly heinous. Today, it’s our sad duty to report on this heartless family that escaped their burning house and utterly abandoned their helpless PS5.

We tell us ourselves that this sort of callousness never appears in real life—That it’s the province of movie and video game villains. But here it is: Pure evil on full display.

The Johnson family of Albany, NY were forced to evacuate their home in the early morning hours of Wednesday morning due to an electrical fire caused by some faulty wiring, and even though the six family members and their cat got out with plenty of time to spare, they left their brand-new PlayStation 5 right in the living room without even a second thought. And as if this weren’t unfeeling enough, we’re devastated to report they made no effort whatsoever to salvage the half dozen games including Spider-Man: Miles Morales and Cyberpunk 2077.

This is obviously disturbing stuff to read, gaming fans. But things get worse.

While it’s bad enough that all six of the Johnsons left the most revolutionary gaming system of the decade to its doom, we can understand that in the panic of the moment, the survival instinct kicks in and you can’t account for your actions. Yes, the parents could have left behind a child or two to be consumed in the flames while they lugged out the 10-pound Sony console, but that simple solution might not have occurred to them.

Still, to fathom the level of deranged sociopathy it would take not to immediately run back into the burning building when you realized your heinous mistake? Well, gamers, it chills us to the very bone!

While these sick and emotionless individuals may have acted out the pantomime of humanity by hugging and crying and thanking God for safety while they watched their home crumbled to ashes, the truth is belied by their complete indifference to the next generation console inside bubbling and melting as it was consumed by the flames. This is the holiday season, after all. A time of charity and compassion. Did they even think about the fate of destroyed copy of Demon’s Souls when they thanked God for sparing their lives?

Just ask yourself: What sort of caring deity would allow this sort of atrocity to be committed without doling out fitting punishment for these acts of sheer evil? Either we are ruled by an idiot God of almost insurmountable cruelty, or the Johnson family is an example of actual devils in human form. We pray the latter is true.

Yes, gaming aficionados, there truly are monsters that live among us, and while the Johnson clan may not have technically committed any crime, we can only hope their guilt and shame will haunt them until their dying days, and then they are tormented in hell for all eternity in the realm beyond.

All right, well, hopefully we’ll have some more upbeat stories for you in the future. Until then, game on!

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