Woman Just Wants To Date Guy Who Can Make Her Laugh, Like Cartman

SAN FRANCISCO—Admitting that it was tough sometimes to find a man who shared her crude, unfiltered sense of humor, local 29-year-old Stephanie Burton told reporters Tuesday she just wanted to date a guy who could make her laugh, like Cartman. “For me, I’ve been in relationships with a lot of different guys, but at the end of the day, what I need is a hilarious personality that only Cartman has,” said Burton, adding that she could be pretty vulgar sometimes, and she felt like she could always be herself around someone who routinely shouted “Suck my balls” and “Respect mah authoritah.” “So what if he’s short, fat, and mean? After a long day at work, I just want to come home and be cheered up, whether it’s with him pretending to have Tourette’s, calling Kyle a ‘Jew,’ or infecting his friend with HIV. The thing about attraction is that looks may fade, but being my ‘fatty doo doo’ is forever.” At press time, Burton emphasized that while Cartman was fun, for the long term, it might be wiser to date someone sensitive like Butters or a great listener like Mr. Mackey.

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